Thoughts
It's about that time of year: when the planet fitness ad campaigns are supplanted by Carnival Cruise lines telling you that you need to get away. With nearly half of us already having given up on our New Year's Resolutions, we can bury our defeat and shame with a tropical escape or some other purchase that lets those "ambitious goals" we had in mind fade ever more quickly into the past. But where did it all go wrong?
I've found myself repeatedly guilty of something we all do: we try to add too much to our lives. We want to add an extra two days per week in the gym, add dollars to our savings, or add more time tending the relationships we care most deeply about. But how often do we consider subtraction?
Subtraction is the strategy that conflicts with the dopaminergic pull towards addition. Adding things, and accomplishing them, feels good. Removing things doesn't. But I believe subtraction to be the necessary path for any addition to stick around longer than the three inspired-and-motivated weeks of the new year.
The best accompaniment to subtraction is exercising the most powerful agent of change in your vocabulary: "no."
"No" allows for pre-emptive subtraction.
Now, there seems to be a bit of a people-pleaser in all of us. But exercising our "no" muscle, while difficult at first, can slowly begin to shape us into something else. There are two important things worth noting here:
1) "Yes" is easy in the short term, and harder over the long term. If "no" is preemptive subtraction, "yes" is preemptive addition. You may not be adding it in the moment, but you will have to add it to your plate eventually. It costs nothing today and even brings some temporary gratification, but it raises the stakes in the future should you need to subtract.
2) "No" is not as hard as you think. Quite frankly, it's the most respectable thing you can do in the moment. It may cost a quick, band-aid-rip of disappointment today, but it unburdens your future.
I would be lying if I told you that this January 31st essay is being transmitted to your inbox by the the pure good will of my imagination and my highly-structured writing routine. While I do set specific goals each year, I believe the best day to resolve to do something is the day that you choose to do so. And that can happen as easily on February 19th as it can on August 7th or January 1st.
Until next time, wishing you the best for 2024.
Things
📚 The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
I recently finished this classic with fresh eyes and it remains a powerful story. What happens when man makes a Faustian bargain to preserve his own beauty? What does a life in sole pursuit of hedonic pleasure do to the soul of a person? This bears significance all the way from the date of its publishing to the hyper-curated media of our current day.
🔊 Home by Good Neighbours
The first single from the new duo “Good Neighbors” sets the bar incredibly high moving forward. Comprised of artists Oli Fox and Scott Verrill, the pair will certainly be a hit in no time.
Thank you for reading, I sincerely appreciate it. I would love to hear from you, whether it be your thoughts on anything above, or any recommendations on food, wine, books, etc. that could find their way into a future issue. Or simply drop me a note to say hello! Reach me at writejohnduffy@protonmail.com - I look forward to hearing from you.
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